I've begun to wonder how much Uganda changed me. It wasn't a matter of leaving America, or even of going to Africa. I've done both before. But when I was in Kenya, I did what I could and then left. With Uganda, there just wasn't much I could do, but it was obvious that something needed to be done, or their medical care would continue to crap up.
I've seen enough now that I know things. There's no guesswork. I need to graduate from college, and from medical school, because people in those places need me to. When I do my homework now, I first think along the lines of "Well, I gave it a shot," but then remember those people and I think, "No. I need to do better. Better than whatever my 'best' was before." They can't afford to have me do a second-rate job.
Total other note. Since my senior year has started, I've already felt overwhelmed by people. My old youth pastor texted me, reminding me that I need to be intentional with people. And naturally, he's right. I had relearned over the summer the simple art of not seeing people and learning to be content with it. However, if not for myself, then I need to see people for the sake of people.
I guess I just love the idea of pouring myself out, of exhausting every part of me without expecting anything in return. When I begin to think that anyone owes me, or that I should expect something from them, I correct myself. Lately, I've begun to think that that might have turned into a it of a trust issue. After all, no expectations for people means that I don't really believe a good portion of what people say. People are fickle. God isn't. He's the only one I trust, I suppose.
Maybe I've been rambling. I'm too drowsy to tell.
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