After recovering from Covid-19, I spent a few days drinking too much, then got back into my daily workout routine and did not drink at all. Then drank to excess last night...
The completion of that trip to Scotland was my deadline for figuring out life. And I did overcome the most difficult internal challenge of coming to terms with both where I have been and where I am now. I have failed in certain respects, and that cannot be helped. So many times did I pray throughout my education, telling God that I agreed with everyone else's assessments that I am not a good fit for medicine, for becoming a scientist. But I felt that He told me to press on, and so I did, using the hope of one day helping the less fortunate as a future reward for the sacrifices that I made in the present. So press on I did. That pressure led me to this place of wondering whether I obtained that medical degree just for the sake of a title, or for a more conventional intended purpose. Thus do I find myself job hunting while in the odd place of being overqualified for many jobs, yet not quite qualified or experienced enough for others.
I just spent the past few hours applying for a few research jobs in Dallas and Houston, realizing that I need to find something. Since I know that I am not guaranteed to find a job in medicine, I also intend to try acting again. Because I believe that I still have talent there, and frankly, I do still miss it. At this point, I will not consider it a matter of choosing between my education and my suppressed goals. Rather, it is a hobby that I enjoy and that could pay at a time when my more professional pursuits may not. Keeping my eggs in multiple baskets is the way forward, but most importantly, moving forward is the path forward. Doing something other than getting drunk at my mother's house is the goal. The pandemic may not be over, but it is at the point that it is no longer reasonable to hide away at home in order to protect my community.
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