Attempt At 2018 Reflections

This year, I received the passing score of my Step 1 exam, allowed myself to like someone romantically as they liked me back, processed the psychological trauma from sexual assault, and completed most of my third year of medical school, which consisted of clinical rotations.

After processing that trauma, I became me again. However, I learned that some of the emotional burden does not leave until you find closure by meeting again with those involved. I debated whether to discuss the trauma, but now that I was stable again, I found it far easier to bear whatever perceived burden of guilt seemed appropriate rather than bring it up and force it upon the other party involved. I know that that is very vague, but, well, sucks for you. Closure also came with speaking again to the girl with whom I had prayed about dating, because she was the one with whom I had shared the greatest details of the assault, and she was also the one who had blown me off the next time that we had planned to meet.

ADDED LATER: I got bored of writing about that. Here is a concept that I may try to incorporate into my personal statement for residencies.

What is it about both medicine and missionary work that I like so much? For me, there is scarcely a feeling quite like finding yourself in an unfamiliar situation and suddenly feeling the challenge of knowing that your only assets are your faith and whatever you have prepared ahead of time. Whether a crowd of strangers in church in a village in Africa who are expecting some word from God or a patient in a room with a list of unfamiliar symptoms, the ability to take stock of what you have and take appropriate action becomes essential. It is very easy to see a different people and culture and assume that most steps one could take would invariably be missteps, but I have found that though your voice cracks, you stutter, if you push through and pretend confidence, that attempt often translates into real confidence, much to the benefit of all bodies present. In the patient encounter as well, an investigation into relevant history can make you feel small, especially if the patient has questions about their own medical riddle that you have not yet solved. But stepping into confidence, building up a rapport, and finding common ground in a space where there previously was no ground at all, that is the challenge that I have come to appreciate.