Lessons Learned

I don't know fully why this week has been so atrocious, but I do know what God has been telling me through it all.

On monday, I got the news at school that Tyler was valedictorian and Pasha was salutatorian. Don't worry, I wasn't jealous. I knew how much they put into it. But when I went to the office to find out about my honors, they were not even sure if I would get any. It's kinda funny, 'cause up until this year my grade was over a 4.0. And now, because of one teacher, all that work was gone? That fast, everything I had put so much into had disappeared? Then I remembered my first car, the Scion xB. I didn't understand why God would let that happen, since it was totally Him who led us to it. Then I got in the car accident, and it was all gone in a flash. I remember saying that night as I watched them tow away the totaled automobile, "Just like that, it's simply gone." He gives and takes away. Just as He can stick a hundred dollars in my hand from nowhere (happened when I was like eleven), He can take away that same amount. Don't hold onto whatever work you've done as if it'll carry you. Only He will.

Another big thing was student council. My position in there was Historian. I was unelected, just selected. From what I can tell, I was supposed to advise student council based on past experience. I've mentioned before just how invisible I am in there. In fact, the only time I became visible was at the last meeting, when the sponsor yelled at me for having to leave set-up a lil' early. I was not visible when I presented the main ideas that made the school dance successful. Then Josh Newman presented the ideas for me, and they were accepted with open arms. ~~~~I'll stop complaining. I skipped the meeting this past wednesday because I had to meet with Jordan about our Connect class, and I was also not in the mood to be yelled at (having been on the point of tears that morning). They kicked me off because of that. So I was trying to puzzle out WHAT on EARTH could be learned from it, and (thanks to Pastor Benny Perez's podcast with Wendy Perez speaking) I came to realize that "A good name is more desirable than great riches" -Proverbs 22:1a. It goes along with the GPA thing too. Unlike Pasha, who focuses completely on school and not on friends much at all, and unlike Tyler, who focuses on Brookshires and his girlfriend for the most part, and unlike the student council members who actually don't show up for meetings, I've got a pretty good name. My rep is good. I'm at peace with people. So no matter what is done to my honors and positions, "A good name is more desirable than great riches."

What They See

I've come to realize how unappreciated my work at school is. Whether in classes or with student council, it seems that people don't see what I do. Not only that, but they see me doing little even when I'm doing a lot. I don't get it. There's probably something on that in the Bible, something to do with long-suffering and such, but still, it's a really disappointing thing. When you put most of your effort into something, and people are literally blind to it and only see your mistakes, it tends to take a toll on your opinion of the place. One example is the work I did in student council. No one remembered me being at any of the meetings, and yet it was my ideas that ended up being the highlights of the night.

God isn't like that though, and neither is Paradigm, Lakeshore, or my small group. All I get from those is encouragement. Lesson: Hang around godly people at godly places, and people will see the worth in you when others don't.

Be Humbled

Tuesday was a bright and shiny day. I went to Early Morning Prayer ('cause they require it of SL to go once a month) and Early Morning Prayed. At school, I talked to Mr. Beaumont about my senior thesis, and he told me not to write on Dr. Seuss's life, but rather on just the interpretation of his children's books, and their effect/influence upon children. So now I'm off to collect and read all 46 children's books by Dr. Seuss, and to see if there's a further interpretation to be made of each of them. Mr. Beaumont also made out that I was trying to take the easy way out by dropping his class. My other classes were not eventful enough for me to remember, apparently, 'cause nothing particularly exciting is coming to mind. On my way home from school, I turned around 'cause I had forgotten a book, and something strange happened. My cruise control was set to 45 mph in a 35 mph area, and I had gotten a ticket for doing that before, so I pushed the decelerate button, but it didn't do anything. So I just decided to reset the cruise control. Unfortunately, the cruise control did not shut off, as it usually does when I hit the breaks. It just slowed down according to how long I held the brakes. So I pulled the car to a stop, determined to stop these shenanigans, and turned the car off, then back on. But even while in Park, the engine was revving, 'cause the cruise control was still going. It wasn't until after I pushed the pedals every which way after turning the car off and on that it was finally in working order again. Nothing else particularly eventful happened that day, besides the fact that I've been talking to Sarah Massie, a girl with a troubling not-so-distant past, and have been giving her advice.

Today, school was just peachy. In Government class, we were making fun of Alyssa for some little stupid thing, and I said something particularly loudly as the teacher walked in. Mrs. Williams asked me to come into the hall to talk to me, where she basically just said, "Stop being so loud in class", but in less words, and we came back in. Then I grabbed my shoulder and made a pained face as I walked in, thinking that one or two people might see it. But no, this was not meant to be. The entire class roared with laughter as I made my way to my seat, and Mrs. Williams was astonished that I would distract the class so just after she had talked to me about it. This was completely unintentional on my part, and I explained and apologized after class, but her reply was "You know your audience better than that." Next was a student council meeting, where I corrected my test, said what I wanted, and it didn't matter, 'cause I wasn't an elected official in there, so I don't have to do anything for them.

Later, I traveled home (by car) and showered and all that jazz, then headed to Gamestop, to get the new Wii Jedi game (I have to be partial geek to fit in with geeks, 'cause I can't be cool if I like video games, right?), all the while listening to a fun sermon by Pastor Jude Foucquier (whom I have so much more respect for after seeing him interact with Pastor Benny Perez at the YFN leaders workshops). After that, I hopped over to church, Chipotle in hand, and was offered the task of taking pictures for the small group manual that Pastor Nick was making, and I undertook the challenge. By this time, I was fairly convinced that I was not going to be asked to help lead a small group. During pre-service prayer, God started telling me about how I needed to be humbled, 'cause I felt like I was far enough with God to do a small group. Then he brought up the valedictorian issue, and told me that it was because of Him and His plan that I am even competing. "Be humbled. You are a servant." I had forgotten about being a servant in my petty concerns. Isn't that stupid? So then I thought about how many times that God tells me something during pre-service prayer, it often becomes the focus of the leaders' prayers, even though I don't mention it. Then I told God about how what He was telling me didn't fit the mood or the message or anything, that if He wanted me to tell it to Pastor Nick, I would need confirmation. "You are the one who is supposed to be confirmation for people," was the reply. So I told Pastor Nick during worship, and it didn't fit any of the night's mood, but I explained it to Pastor Nick afterwards (in a lot less words, 'cause I did it through texting), and he understood.