Anniversarial Need for Change

Today, I found myself applying for a part time university teaching job. Something about the changing of seasons, of the weather finally being cold enough to appreciate sleeves at night, the smell in the air, it demands a change in my circumstances. My annual subscription to Backstage came to renewal time the other day. I got a free extension, but it was a reminder that I have been serious about acting for a year. I began as a featured extra, then booked two short films, a commercial, one documentary role, a lead role in a music video, many foreign film dub roles, a featured role in a comedy pilot, and, most recently, a main cast role in an indie tv show. Judging it against my previous life as a child actor, this should all be considered a wild success. But I am still quite poor and losing money. I still do not feel as if I have enough footage for a decent reel.

Blame for my problems could be placed on the writer's and actor's guild strikes. The writer's guild has their fair contract, but based on the recent dumb moves by studios, we probably have another month or two before acting becomes a viable union profession again. Then again, it is not as if I was booking any union gigs before the strike.

I groundhog day my life. I wake up, brush my teeth, pick up some fast food on my way to a coffee shop where I try to write for a few hours, then go to the gym. Then I go back home, eat the same toasted sandwich, and shower. Then the next day, I do sit-ups, shower, fast food, caffeinated drink, try to write until evening, when I eat the same sandwich. I find guests for my podcast and then record once a week in the evening. And that is all. Life is on repeat. I start drinking too much, then I stop for a few days to a week, and I drink again. I drank last night after being on a short break and you know what? I like the sort of reset it does to my brain. I was apathetic yesterday, but today I am dissatisfied.

While the pandemic was at its peak with no end in sight, I had a very similar routine. At the time, the reason was because going out among people could kill me or them, or people I would later encounter. Now, I am freshly vaccinated, so the primary reason I do not go out or socialize is because I am poor with no source of income.

And I just copy and pasted much of those last two paragraphs to a new document. Who knows, maybe that will be good narration for the start of a short film. Or just another nothing that I start and leave laying around in my google docs.