Ugh, Transition

Once I realized the implications of a full-time job, I realized that I wanted out. No matter how great the privilege of working in a neurology clinic, I’m realizing that I cannot easily function the way I’d prefer to in my gap year while working there.

This transition state is easier in some ways than it was at first. Harder in other ways though. The biggest problem is that I don’t have friends here. The school year has started, so I’m not sure how frequently I’ll get to see my Arkansas friends now. I need peer-to-peer relationships though. I can’t just have my family for friends, right? So within this gap year I’m finding gaps within myself, and it’s difficult to fill them. I have yet to know to what extent I’m keeping my job this week, whether it will be paid or unpaid, or what my hours will be.

Once I know, and once I finally get all my application forms sent into medical schools, then maybe I can take mini vacations, or possibly staycations. I live near the 9^th biggest city in the United States, so there’s plenty I’d like to see that I have either never seen or haven’t seen in fifteen years.

Once I know about interview times and whether I’ll have any (just being honest), I can go backpacking through Europe for some time. My ideal traveling buddy will already be over there and I think it will be very difficult for me to tire easily of traveling with him for an extended period of time.

I’m realizing that a lot of legitimate doctors go to Mexico, South America, even Asia and Europe for medical school. If American schools don’t work out this year, maybe I’ll apply to those. Ideally, it’ll only be for two years and then I’ll be back in the States for clinicals, followed by residency.

I’m sometimes tempted to ignore the timing, to just enjoy being a 20-something and travel, which is obviously a burning desire in me. But then I remember why I’m doing it, who I’m doing it for, and I realize once again that it can’t wait. Every year, every moment I delay any part of the process, that’s another year and another moment that some impoverished people have to go without my being able to help them.