Things That Make Tears Come Out Of My Face

I'm not the crying type. I remember in my youth group, from junior high even until now sometimes, always wanting to cry when worship hits me hard. But no, I don't cry much. Pain will make tears come out of my face, as will onions and the occasional disobedient contact lens, but mere emotion tends to stir nothing in my lacrimal glands. This changes with transition.

I remember moving from California to Texas, when we were officially no longer paying visits to Burbank, Los Angeles, nor Hollywood, and were instead resigned to live the life of regular humans, with school and work and play in a middle class lifestyle. I would cry at night sometimes, missing California and the crushed dreams our move represented to me.

College was the next big transition. Fortunately, I had school and newfound friends (who would later become my best friends) and a roommate to prevent me from crying at night over the loss of my old life.

And now I'm finding myself with no school nor newfound friends. Instead, I have a few coworkers, a boss, and a doctor, old friends who don't seem to serve the purpose of peers at the moment, and a deep, deep hunger for life in Arkansas or anywhere else, for that matter. My eyes, which are dry even at the end of Titanic or other such films, have actually moistened at the thought of the precious people and places in Arkansas that I miss.

This transition is difficult. Unlike other transitions, I don't find myself in a new place; rather, I'm in an old place with friend groups whittled down, and those that remain being those that I don't prefer. I have deadlines over my head, a job that challenges me, and a constant yearning to just escape to another country. The worst part is that I have the money to leave, but I CAN'T BECAUSE WHAT IF I DO GET AN INTERVIEW AND A CHANCE TO GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL??? THEN I WOULD NEED TO BE IN THE COUNTRY.