Despondent

I used to write these reflections at the end of a given year. This year... I was in a somewhat viral heavy metal music video, two television pilots, and a short film. I also wrote a pilot (which was not good) and a few other scripts (which seem better so far). I have dubbed over a great many foreign films, often playing multiple characters. I also performed one open mic, did my first paid standup show, and another small one. My podcast also got a sponsor, though I just got an email about switching to commission-based work from now on, which I do not love.

Altogether, these are a not insignificant. But they are also not paying bills. But what can I do? I apply for jobs here and there, but do not hear back except for occasional rejections. I started taking antidepressants the day after Christmas, and started feeling increased energy a few days ago, but have yet to feel much of a change in mood or anxiety.

You know what has me feeling this writer's block? Rewrites. I hate rewrites and revisiting work. In the past, I tended to write good first drafts, so I never needed to rewrite very much. But a good screenplay takes like a hundred rewrites, and standup comedy is performing the same stuf over and over with minor tweaks.

Maybe hopping over to LA will provide me with opportunities. 

I stayed in bed for the past few days. I have energy enough now that going to the gym was not so bad, but the motivation to get up and do things has been gone. It is like I have a cold, but without the respiratory aspect. I spend all day scrolling twitter. Even this blog has taken me over a week to write.