I miss being so close to God. Bible reading has fallen off for the past couple months, but I am getting back on it. One big issue is that I just so strongly dislike how politicized American Evangelical Christianity has become. In terms of my beliefs and theology, I think that I most strongly identify with that group. However, in the realm of politics, too many of that group are outspoken in favor of leaders and movements that seem antagonistic towards our supposed shared beliefs. How can I step foot in a church to be as open and vulnerable as would be spiritually appropriate if I have to be wary of the support of greed and immorality in this country?
This is one reason why the mission field remains so appealing. No politics, no opinions on the creation of the world, no focus on money in general. Just going and pouring yourself out like a drink offering. But I have years yet before I reach that point.
There is a girl that I am liking, about whom many of my reservations are leaving, but such is to be expected when you do not see them often (and when they are very physically attractive). Same girl that I have liked off and on for years now. She seems to like me too, though not necessarily romantically. Anyway, the thing I like most about her is her love for God. But in a hilarious twist of events, I have found myself as someone who currently avoids church in spite of my faith. And it continually pains me to find myself in this position. Even aside from my own personal anguish in this regard, I realize that it would reflect poorly on me if I had romantic interest in someone who is similarly committed to God and yet I do not currently participate in conventional Christian community.
But I will be a doctor relatively soon. So there is something to look forward to this year.
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