Oh Sister...

It's been far too long. Going into finals, I've got B's all around, so no big worries. In fact, I made a 93 on my last microbiology exam, a point below the highest in the class.

What brings me to ye olde blog is a certain snap story. My youngest sister, who is a week from turning 21, documented her night on the town. It began with her being carded, but somehow, she still managed to take shot after shot in the videos that followed, in addition to beer and other delights. By 11 PM her time, she had had more to drink than I typically do when I'm binge drinking.

And then the updates continued. Her friend was fumbling for her keys, though all were obviously too drunk to drive. Then my sister updated with another video later, her with her on again off again enabling boyfriend. They were both obviously drunk and in the front seats of the car. She said "I hit someone when I was going really fast". The next update showed her boyfriend laying down next to a puddle of his vomit in a parking lot.

Here's the question that plagues the mind: what do I do? What does anyone do to deal with that? The obvious answer is that she should have her license revoked and not allowed to drink. But the boyfriend isn't the only enabler. She has a father who, despite all the logic and reasoning in the world, still manages to see her as a victim of whatever her actions may be. And she burns through cash like crazy as a result. My dad is not currently wealthy enough to support her being an idiot, yet it seems that he does.

There are also the other factors. My dad's best friend committed suicide in August, and our grandma (his mom) passed away last month. So it's not like dad needs more stress. But life seems able to find a way. Or rather, that sister does.

I just don't know what to do about it. That sister is a problem that has taken over family discussions for years now, as we deliberate what can possibly be done to manage her, to make her a functional member of society. She's has brains and is pretty, but she uses both stupidly.

As a medical student, I've learned that many problems are mine, but another great many problems are not. When it comes to family, it's difficult to find where the line is.

So as I prepare to go home, I also prepare to jump back into stupid problems that shouldn't exist, but do because people aren't educated, or are just unwise. Intelligence can be an awful burden.

A lil' itsy tidbit

That same talent show weekend, my grandma on my dad's side had a stroke. She was in the hospital for weeks, and now she has some further hemorrhaging. I think she's still alive, but she isn't likely to be for long. It's weird being so detached from it, but I'm 1200 miles away. I saw her over the last break, and my grandparents had their 60th anniversary. We took pictures and all that. So really, it's kind of okay for this to be the timing, I think.

Anyway, tests are coming up. And November is the month of presentations, which tend to be my strong suit, so we'll see.

Oh, and Med Psych is awful. I'm not sure that any other class has wasted so much time. And the prof won't cancel tomorrow's class (even though we've covered all the material) because he doesn't think it's ethical (he's also the ethics prof).

Ah, the Talent Show

I know, I know, I don't blog enough *crickets chirping*.

Last night, I performed in our med school's talent show. While the show itself was mostly unimpressive, my routine had only improved since I last performed it in college. Back then, I had only recently learned a lot of the moves and had also only just begun working out in order to do the moves well. My routine reflected that, with difficult things edited out so I wouldn't be quite so exhausted throughout. But this time, I was fit enough that that wasn't a concern. I had strength and endurance from the 3 /12 years of regular stretching and exercise since.

So my earlier concern that I wouldn't be able to dance as well as I used to was quickly eradicated as I found myself able to do far more than I could back then. One thing that hadn't changed is the amount of anxiety that builds up. I meant to study yesterday, but I could hardly get myself to read at all. Instead, I practiced for hours (I had only meant to give it a half-hour to get it straight). Whoops.

Anyway, I passed my last exams and have a psych exam tomorrow followed by a microbiology exam the next week. We'll see...

I Suck At Evangelism

I suck at evangelism. When people ask me questions like, "how does God speak to you?" or "why do you believe in that particular God rather than any of the other religions out there?" I never really know how to respond. Learning how to listen to the voice of God was a thing that happened over the course of years, and it still often doesn't come easy. As for why I believe in Jesus Christ as my savior, that to me is once again the tale of my life thus far. I don't think that the basics of it make sense, but I do think that it's more real and more important than all the things in my life that do "make sense". But the Bible says that we should be ready to give an answer to that question, the why of our faith in Christ. So I'm often at a loss.

The Struggle, Mayhaps, Really Is Real

So, I'm in this weird phase of life now. I knew it was coming but it's still catching me off-guard, the realities of it. It's like I'm frozen in time (except that I age) while life passes by. I see my friends and family once in awhile, but mostly, I'm studying for medical school and also the Bible. I'm currently rereading the Old Testament, but with the addition of a study Bible, which means that I am also informed on social, cultural, historical, and various language connotations within a given passage. This leads to challenges, like the fact that the temple of the Hebrews that God instructed Moses to build (with very specific instructions) was very much like other temples of the same time period. This leads me to ask, naturally, whether it was the first of its kind. After all, it has become apparent to me that the creation story presented in Genesis (which is very similar to other texts like Gilgamesh that were written before Genesis was written) was most likely there for the purpose of distinguishing the qualities of the Hebrew, monotheistic God from the pagan, polytheistic gods of the surrounding cultures.

So it's with this in mind that I approach the Old Testament now. The temple and methods of worship may be similar to that of nearby cultures, and it may not be the first religion to have adopted such methods, and that's okay. Why? Because that was the understood way to worship at the time, and in order to properly give glory to God in a way that would be significant to the Hebrews at the time, it may have been necessary to adopt the systems of cultures who worshiped false gods. It's okay if that's the case, because it doesn't change the fact that Jesus was still the ultimate sacrifice who wiped out the need for any others. Jesus doesn't change just 'cause our historical understanding increases. If anything, I think it brings more glory to Him to reveal a world that makes historical and cultural sense.

It's tough to arrive at conclusions like this. It's always a struggle. But the struggling is healthy.

Whoops, back to that earlier point. I see my friends drifting from the faith. Even (and, let's face it, especially) the ones who just a few years ago were seen as sorta leading the next generation. The ones in charge of the youth camps that did so much in me in times past. We always had a reputation for being an amazing youth group, yet years later, I keep discovering all this other stuff that was and continues to go on behind the scenes. I sometimes feel like I was the only genuine one. I have some doubts sometimes, but mostly, I dealt with the major doubts when I was a young teenager, and then decided to trust God over those. I messed up a lot of course, but still, others just seem so resigned to where they are. Premarital sex hasn't become any less a big deal to me, but it seems to have done so for other friends. I mean, making the mistake and repenting is peachy, but when it becomes an okay, normal thing... It's just living in sin. And I hate noticing 'cause it makes me feel judgmental. It just feels like there's a better way, and I used to think that I was one of many living out that better way, but it often just seems like Christianity is dying out. My everything, Jesus, who defines my life, seems to be rapidly losing popularity, and I don't know how to deal with that.

Being Home

Being home cures most things.

Just Tired

Well, the physiology exams are tomorrow. I'm not confident. There's so much information to cover, and I've got 12 hours until the exam. Admittedly, I hit a bit of a road block a few hours ago. There's only so much studying you can do in a given day. Well, only so much studying that I can do. Others are probably better.

I just have to make a 43 on these finals to pass (a point or two higher for neuro). I'm hoping very much that all the overlap from my classes will give me some memory of what I should know. I dunno. I'm just tired and am trying to keep my mind pure and want to go home. Just two more days of testing and I'm done with the semester.

Hopefully my study strategy of thinking that I'm definitely going to fail will help me pass. I'm just tired.