One Big YES

I've said "no" to so much, I kinda forgot an important principle. Being successful isn't about saying "no" to the less important things; it's about saying "yes" to the things that matter, and that will (hopefully) tend to override the less important things.

Of course, all of this starts with saying one big "YES" to God. 'Cause really, concentrating on the affirmative rather than the negative is the best way to approach, you know, life and all. I have an Organic Chemistry test in the morning, but honestly, I'm just going to learn (cram) as much as I can tonight, and give it to God (and to the instructor in the form of a completed test). It's His, as is my time tonight.

So now, I'm going to say "YES" to Him and His offer to give me a hope entirely different from what I see. He can make the rest of this semester kick rear, and I wanna submit to His methods of doing so.

All Better.

Driven again.

But I'm not going to say "no" to everything like I've been doing all semester. Next semester is going to be full of fun, as is the end of this one.

Against All Hope (Again)

God and I made peace. Against all hope, I'm going to believe in the hope that He'll make my grades what they need to be (Romans 4-5). Meanwhile, I'm just going to do my best to learn. 'Cause I love learning, especially if I'm learning something that everyone else thinks I can't learn.

So yeah, essentially back where I was before the weekend. The reason this came up so rapidly, I think, is because this semester, I've been too preoccupied with other peoples' problems. Up until now, I was too busy with theirs to give my own problems any real attention. Something tells me that ministry will resemble that a lot.

Pulling That Patriarch Crap

So, I went to sleep angry at God, but after lunch and a shower, we managed to kinda be on better terms. (It's mostly 'cause I know He always wins when we fight, so I figured that I should let it happen rather than drag it out.) I'm still gonna be working hard, but I expecting/not really expecting Him to show Himself in it. The ball is in His court (or, at least, that's how my lil' brain likes to think of it until He humbles me).

AND WHY ON EARTH IS HE CHOOSING TO PULL THE SAME CRAP ON ME THAT HE DID ON ABRAHAM??? IT WASN'T PLEASANT FOR HIM, AND IT'S SURE NOT PLEASANT FOR ME!

Real Christian Frustrations

Once in awhile, every real Christian should go out by himself (or herself) and rant to God. As a real follower of Christ, I did so tonight. And when I say that I ranted to God, I mean that I ranted to Him about Him, calling Him out on what I perceive to be flaws and inconsistencies in what He's doing.

It was a long rant. A good 45 minutes or so of God getting to hear just what He should have been doing. In short, my grades are down (not that I expect differently anymore), I've turned down most extracurriculars in an effort to do better and appease the science department, and I find myself getting tired and fed up with myself for it. And the worst part is, I'm trying to submit everything to God the whole time! He makes me feel great, sure, but He called me to be a doctor. That means good grades. It also means not my grades. I don't have too heavy a workload either. Other guys in my major manage twice as much and sports and girlfriends.

It's frustrating, because without all the extracurricular things, without acting or making videos or performing, all I have to show for the semester is my grades. And since I'm insecure in that, it makes me feel insecure in myself.

Agh. There's more, but I'm tired, and I've been ranting for hours to God and people (about God).

Goodbye

One of the most talented, lazy, and confused people I know is leaving for California tomorrow. It's partly because of him that hanging out with friends has had a larger focus on dirnking rather than just hanging out, because his theology and philosophy on life has been changing so drastically that he can't help but keep talking about it. All the time. And it makes us uncomfortable because the Bible isn't his foundation for it all, and it's hard to reason with anything like that.

But he's going to California tomorrow. He has some stuff to hash out with his parents. I just hope and pray that he listens to wisdom. I wrote him a letter to tell him what wisdom wants him to do (and to say general goodbyes), and I just hope he receives it well. 'Cause home is not going to be easy for him to go back to now.

Now our lil' friend group has been whittled down to just a few of us. I wonder how that'll go. I hope we all get to grow more spiritually. And dirnk dirnks for the sake of getting to know people rather than just to dirnk.

Dauntingly Beautiful

Sometimes, life being dauntingly busy makes you focus on what's important to the point that life becomes dauntingly beautiful.

Like God.

I also finally settled on a new reading plan for my Word time. I'm pop, lock, and dropping Acts, and probably hanging out in those first few epistles after it. I was going for Genesis, to possibly clear through the whole Old Testament again, but I honestly got too bored. I'm not very involved in any ministry, not being challenged much spiritually besides with leading worship, so I don't easily find the drive to read anymore, at least not where I'd have to kinda power through the boring to find the exciting.

Talking with Adam Howard a few weeks ago, he asked me questions about charismatic beliefs and spiritual gifts. Despite having taught on it in high school, I've largely put those out of my mind since JBU. Schools as baptist as this one tend to have that effect. Where Adam used to focus on everything else and I on only the spiritual gifts, he has now become curious, and I had to try to remember all I had learned. It wasn't so hard, 'cause I did put countless hours into studying that junk. It's just strange to see where I'm at now. Most people at this school would not know what to do if a demon began to manifest in someone here. I've had experience with it.