Practice What You Preach

When I was first trying to bring God into our house in more concentrated doses (it's a good way to get shot down quickly), I remember telling my dad and brothers some piece of basic Biblical wisdom. My oldest brother's reply was something to the effect of, "You're one to talk. You mess up in that same stuff all the time. Practice what you preach." And he proceeded to ignore the sound advice because I wasn't living it out well enough.

I wonder if subtle undertones like that are what make people like me turn into superChristians. 'Cause I did turn into one. And no one likes a superChristian, 'cause they aren't real people. The thing is, when I give real advice to people, and it's good advice from the Bible, I'm often struggling with it myself. I gradually learned to always say something to the effect of, "And hey man, I'm struggling with this too. But the Bible says we need to..." even if I wasn't actually dealing with it at all. I was determined to be a good witness.

"Practice what you preach." I'm not a fan of the saying. Every good preacher either dealt with or is dealing with the problems they preach on.

Looking Forward

Maybe this Christmas break, I'll hang out in a Starbucks and do the artsiest thing I can do well: write and edit stories and poems for publication. I asked my creative writing professor, and he referred me to a book with thousands of publishers. So maybe I'll write instead of just reading over this break. If one thing makes me feel dandy, it's knowing that all the work I put into things that don't quite matter too much can be for a reason.

I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas. A lot.

Go Fo' Broke

I talked with God again. "Flicker" by Audio Adrenaline came to mind, as did the song "Undignified" by David Crowder. I do miss going for broke and getting lost in serving God, whatever the capacity.

Answers I'm Not Crazy About

Well, after hours late at night in the rain talking to God, I got some answers. God and I went through Abraham's life story, then the part of Paul's that applies, and then through my own.

Two important points came up from those other two lives.

When Abraham decided not to put all his hope in God, he had Ishmael and began a whole religion that would go against the faith he was meant to found and promote, hence to this day there remains conflict in the Middle East as a result of his disobedience.

Paul, in the midst of kinda just talking for awhile in 2 Corinthians, talks about a thorn in his side, this thing that's holding him back from being everything he can be. He knew that he could do more for God if it wasn't for this hindrance, so he asked God to remove it. And again, and again. Finally, God just said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made complete in your weakness." (From memory, not actually quoted. I did a lot of playing with how they talked when I roleplayed them last night.) It's like the worse off Paul was, the better God looked. Paul scrunching into the fetal position allowed God to flex a little.

And that's basically the answer God left me with. I'm doing crappy because it makes Him look awesome. It's gonna show just how much I needed Him all along.

It's great, because who isn't a fan of going before the pre-professional committee at your school and trying to convey that the reason your grades are awful is because that's precisely how God wants them to be. And me trying my hardest is me just barely getting by.

Less Than Hopeful Direction

Somehow, confirmation on what God has told me, and has been telling me for years, isn't comforting in the least. In fact, it only manages to upset me. It's that age-old problem of reality not matching up with the hope given me by God. I should probably feel awesome knowing that God has given me what he doesn't so easily give everyone. Direction. Yet here I am, pretty annoyed that it's the same direction, and, what's more, I'm supposed to be hopeful about how things are gonna turn.

And this season is supposed to be summer? Summer is my favorite season, right before I get to see the good results the Lord brings about in my life. Only, there's a reason why summer doesn't include anything involving my major. It's 'cause at the end of the summer, I tally up all the wonderful things that God has done in and through me. At the end of the semester, I don't have anything much to tally up. Yet that prophecy made it sound like I'd have something to tally up academically. It was real prophecy too, totally confirmation mixed with a lil' bit of near-future tense.

I probably need to get humble before God so He can bring about all the crap in my life that He wants to.

Prophecy Room

Once each semester, the Prayer Ministry on campus hosts a 24-hour Prayer Vigil, where they have prophecy rooms. People who work in the prophetic giftings come over and prophecy over you and some other people for awhile. Last year, they were way off for most of it. This time, they were dead on.

They talked about how I'm a contortionist (a claim which I had only begun to make as of this summer in the Philippines), though more in a spiritual way. I see things in a unique and creative manner, and my perspective is different from most everyone else around me. All true.

They said that God says not to doubt Him just because I can't see what He's working out, that the puzzle pieces are going to come together.

Then they talked about how I'm stepping into a season of summer (my favorite season). It's a time to keep weeds and bugs out and keep my focus right.

Lastly, they talked about how I'm going to be a man of stature. And not "going to be" as in distant future, but, like, I need to start stepping into it. I'm going to be able to stand, shoulders back, head high, being fully confident in what I'm doing.

That stuff about the near future, is, to be perfectly honest, doubtful to me. I get told it ever so often by so many people filled with the Holy Spirit, yet reality doesn't seem to back it up.

Ugh, what the hole!

Since Sunday

Since that last hopeful blog, I made a terrible grade on that test. Fortunately, I had already been yelling at God the whole weekend, so we were fine after I found out the grade. It's His.

I started watching the show Breaking Bad, which, along with being really good, also touches on a few chemistry concepts, which, to be perfectly honest, makes my studies seem a lil' more exciting. Of course, the show is about a high school chemistry teacher making crystal meth, but once again, when real life and science interact, it's much more engaging.

Not for the first time, tv based on science makes me care more about the subjects.