Saying No/Distant Fondness

So with my schedule, I've begun to realize that I am having to say "no" to everything I've wished I had the opportunity to say "yes" to for the past two years of college. I've wanted to be involved in leadership with ministries, and now all my friends are in charge, and I've become a good student who says "no" when I have too much to do. I'm having to choose between things like the Talent Show and Men's Ministry, and I'm opting for the Talent Show because I honestly think I'll have more opportunity to utilize the skills I learn there when I'm doing ministry in the future. After all, a one-man show can be exactly what you need to get people to listen when you talk about Jesus.

I was so ready before. I mean, I thought I was. But now that I'm actually capable, not going through transition anymore, I am too busy to do what I always wanted to.


That brings me to another point. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. I knew it was true back when my oldest brother first went off to college, and he was the favorite sibling upon his return. And I was a favorite upon my return as well. Now I'm having to be a recluse in my room, and I'm thinking so left-brained, I'm afraid that I'll stop being quirky and awkward and turn into a human, and that I won't be able to hang out with friends, and even when I do, that they won't really know me much or prefer my company because they only get so many flashes of limited impressions I give them as I pop out of my dorm once in awhile.

But then I remembered that I tend to get quirky when I go into public after prolonged seclusion. And that those limited impressions will make people want to see more of me. It'll be a privilege to be around me. I've had friends like that before, who I hardly ever had a chance to speak to, but when I did, it was always an exceptional privilege worth working my schedule around.

Working Ahead

Being the woolly mammoth I am, I have to shave so often it's borderline ridiculous. So my thought is this: maybe this year, the mustache-goatee combo will stay. I have a great rolemodel in Johnny Depp, who pulls it off ever so well. He and Jafar both inspire me. I can't wait for No-Shave November.

Oh the Irish

Our speaker in chapel today was one of the leaders of Irish study abroad trips, the only authentically Irish one among them. Listening to him talk for half an hour was enough to make me remember why I miss Ireland so much. The redheads everywhere, the accents, the humor, just the feel of the place. Ah, I want to be there now. Snow Patrol can only take me so far. I just need to find a redheaded Irish-accented lass to travel about with me.

I have a weakness for redheads and accents. While I was studying abroad in Italy, one of our translators had a strong Scottish accent, and I had a crush on her for about a week before I stopped myself. And she wasn't very attractive either. That accent just reels me in.

The Cross=Perfect Example of Love

A friend of mine, Jordan Weeks, just unofficially (but soon officially) dropped out of school partially because he thinks God gave him a big prophetic word, and partly because he thinks his major is stupid and he doesn't care about it.

Here's the thing; his parents aren't going to be okay with this. And he's not willing to deal with that. He has kind of a rebellious high schooler perspective on the idea of respecting your parents. After having dinner with the three of them, I realized that he feels kinda suppressed by them, and he doesn't think they can understand how he thinks or what he's doing.

As for his big revelation, he spends a lot of it dealing with love as an abstract idea, and since he doesn't think of the Bible as a baseline standard upon which everything else should be based, I wasn't really able to offer opinions or advice. I mean, my reading today in 1 John basically just said over and over that Jesus/God is love. That if we wanted a picture of love, all we had to look at was Jesus on the cross. And no further.

Jordan Weeks is quite possibly the most talented person I know, who is likely to waste much of what he has if he doesn't get the Bible as a baseline of truth. I suppose he'll switch religions if he doesn't. What a thing to  think.

In another part of my life, the crush tried to make a comeback. And I seriously considered the idea of considering the idea of trying to date. Then I asked God if He was okay with that, then realized that God wasn't the one who initially pushed me in that direction and guided me through. If He isn't in charge, I'm gonna screw it up (and I probably will anyway). I need to follow His direction.

Impractical?

I might be procrastinating here, but really, who wants to study for an Organic Chemistry test? Not I.

I'm beginning to wonder (at this very moment, 'cause I had to think of something to wonder about in order to keep procrastinating) whether it would be completely impractical for me to consider dating before medical school. I mean, I'm aiming for the Caribbean, but I could end up in the US too. Residency will also be in the US. So that means six more years till I'm done with schooling, and eight more till I get to work "for real." It makes me think that a girlfriend just wouldn't be a clever decision. It's why I honestly don't get past the initial thought to actually bothering to ask God if He's into the idea. But perhaps it'd be wise to talk it over with Him, considering that He does tend to be the Lord God Almighty, infinite in wisdom and power and love.

Having gone through my few 21 years without dating, I'm starting to notice my friends getting engaged. No pressure, but it'd be nice to try dating. I'd want to do the fun dating too, where I'm not "courting", but I am secretly planning to marry the individual. That'll get 'em.

Freakin' Left-Brained

So, being a good student this year is changing things for me. Instead of constantly yearning to be creative and right-brained, I'm allowing myself to settle into left-brained activity a lil' more, which is weird to get used to. I didn't notice much of a difference at first, but now I feel like I'm losing quirks 'cause I'm so purposeful about things. I used to do a few things with a purposeful lack of purpose, but those are kinda drifting off, and I'm feeling human. Granted, humans are great. But I'm not really feeling as much like my old self in the fun ways as I wish I was. Instead, I feel like I'm only regaining my work ethic. Really healthy, right?

I just want to write poetry and edit videos for the rest of my life, and maybe not take an Organic Chemistry test tomorrow. But I suppose we all want crap like that.

Also, just because you stop having feelings for a crush doesn't mean that you stop having the thoughts. It's annoying.

Never For Attention

It flies in the face of everything I've ever believed in, but tonight, I did something ridiculous. I left a dance party while it was in full swing.

EDIT

I went back. And I learned a lesson which I had apparently (and sadly) forgotten. I used to be the life of the party (but in a Christian way), and I was confused as to why this did not appear to be the case tonight. Then it dawned on me. I was doing it for attention. One of my fundamental rules of constantly adopting quirks and acting strange is that I must never, ever do so for attention; instead, I must get lost in the dance. After remembering this, I did get lost in the dance, if only briefly, and it scratched that itch I hadn't noticed was creepin' all over me.

The difference between loudly quirky and obnoxious is that obnoxious people do it for attention. Granted, I made up the different definitions, but somehow I can find a way to live with that.

In other news, WHY AM I, ONCE AGAIN, THE ONLY ONE IN MY WORLD WHO KNOWS COMMON SENSE AND IS ABLE TO LISTEN TO IT???