Showing Initiative

I released another EP or album, or whatever we wanna call it. Boosted the volume a little, but nothing else.

But a fun fact I just remembered is from my time in med school. There was such a learning curve, not just with the academic side, which was overwhelming enough, but also with practical basics on the island. How do you go grocery shopping if you do not have a car? Where should I live? A fancy apartment? A dorm? What is travel like? Are they serious when they say to bring cash for food? Because I did not. So at some point fairly early on, I wrote down everything that I wished someone had told me. And that very long Word document would later be revised and incorporated as a standard part of student orientation.

Kinda neat. I tended to take initiative as a leader in so many areas, not because I love being in charge, but because I wanted to spare anyone else from suffering as I had, assuming that they had the patience to read what I wrote. A big assumption, I know.

Released an EP

Slipping back into the throes of sobriety. It is cruel how much better I am when sober. Cannabis products kill my productivity, ruin my attempts at basic bodily maintenance. Want to stay in shape like you always have? Sorry, edibles will ruin that for you. A couple days off of edibles and I am waking up at decent times, saving so much money by having a decreased (normal for me) appetite, and craving pacing on a treadmill while my electronics charge. Booze is a mixed bag though. On the one hand, it kills, ages, makes you have to pee. On the other, you can be super functional up until your skin and various organs die.

Released an EP this week. Mostly for funzies. Edible had kicked in one night, but I still had the presence of mind to record some stuff. I have had enough friends release music to know that it is largely inconsequential, that no one will notice or care, and you will not make money on it. Therefore, I opted out of paying for studio time, for mixing/mastering, and instead just released the tracks in their raw, original format, including false starts.

I have been sitting on a few of my favorite tunes for awhile. I mean, I posted them on socials, but I did so like a year ago. The irony there is of course that I think I tried harder at fun storytelling back then, and now I am better as a musician but potentially worse in the narrative department. Ain't that just the way.

I went to a networking event aka free pancakes on a lovely Sunday. The host is a comedy director buddy of mine who has won loads of awards, and there was another comedy director in attendance (also award-winning, which is how they met). They are currently working kind of normal jobs, because the industry continues to be dead for the foreseeable future. This means that they are hungry to work on fun and easy projects, which is why I pitched the idea of filming a no-budget music video. I of course pitched by playing the first verse of it, "it" being a song I had improvised a year ago in Texas. They LOVED it. Both directors interested, so now I am trying to find/write more songs to fit their flavor.

See, to win those awards, these directors shoot a film. They submit that film to a billion festivals. Regardless of success or lack thereof in these festivals, it takes a year or two for their art to make it through the festival circuit, like, just to find out if they are in. And as an incentive for festivals to help them, they will give a festival exclusivity for a premiere or whatever.

All of that translates to years of waiting for anyone in the public to see what kind of work they do. Sure they post promos, little posters and teasers, but when your short film is already short, there is only so much to be done with that.

But music videos? Immediate release. Lots of room to play and create, without having to worry about audio. I know this is easier because I have been making my own little music videos, and have noted the simplicity of just focusing on visual gags while the music takes care of the narrative. And this is a chance to work with directors on set as a writer/actor, which is WHAT I WANT TO DO, and is also THE BEST WAY TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE YOU WANT TO WORK WITH PROFESSIONALLY.

So for this month, my comedy director buddy Roe will be working out in Wyoming, but we tentatively plan to shoot the music video next month. This means that I need to finish writing it. Will the third verse be from the perspective of a waiter? A dog? A dog waiter?

Oh, also, I have been filming sorta video blog things for what I hope will be a fun documentary someday.

Today

I cannot describe how annoying it is that I am so much more talented when sober. Churned out four songs the other day, plus a few intro jingles for a comedian buddy. Every time I post a requested song, people ask for more, and I get more followers. In other words, my approach is working, ever so slowly.

Had my first birthday celebration since I got to LA. Celebrated with other improv friends first by performing in a show, then by going to karaoke. I am still typically a pretty distinctive performer, but it is so nice to not be the only one who goes hard! I love my current life. I am soaking up every minute as I live it, in part because I feel like it must end soon. Too good.

I have been LOVING this open mic. I get footage that makes me look like a paid performer. And multiple clips have now gone viral on Instagram. And today, I bought a carbon fiber ukulele. Not as resonant as my wood one, but the strings are spaced better, and apparently you can run over these carbon fiber ukuleles with a car (but the strings might get damaged).

Just finished editing clips from today's open mic. One of these might put me over the top. Clickbait editing and everything. But now I am high and exhausted, so I hesitate to post. But also, what the hey? It is posted.

Got a song request asking me to say why OnlyFans is ruining a generation. I think it is making the best out of a bad situation. Off the top of my head, here are lyrics that come to mind.

I don't think that Onlyfans is the problem.

I say that 'cause you have to pay to watch 'em

And because there are very few jobs,

But this one is a type

That lets women (or whoever)

Work as much or little as they like.

Just from the fact

That they are incredible

Viral Post

I finally had an organic viral post, and it was the best kind, taking the form of some open mic footage of me introducing and then performing a joke song. I messed up a lot, but still had good footage for a 23 second clip. And six days and over 30,000 views later, I realize that I have broken through the algorithm, and tomorrow's musical open mic (which I have been attending for the past couple weeks) requires me to show up and perform another song, in the hopes of having another viral video. View counts on other videos have definitely gone up! Oh, and this is Instagram, not TikTok. All organic.

I attracted comments from the always-toxic standup community, which is now filled with white supremacists and Nazis. I am responding to mean stuff with silly whenever possible, but I also want to try making fun of white supremacists more by making fun of myself. As a friend said, "they can't help themselves" when it comes to hate watching.

Since I acquired the ability to shoot in 4k with external sound, I have decided to use my most underutilized resource, time, to make actual narrative songs.

Additionally, a ten minute drive from where I am tip-tapping away at this laptop, comedy legend Kyle Mooney will be playing a free show today. Then, it is my favorite show in LA, Duo It Again.

Remembered that I need to buy stilts (a critical step in learning how to walk on stilts). I do have a fear of heights, though I am not sure if it will kick in. Good for me to face that.

Since I have money in the bank and work ethic, I have decided to offer free work for friends more often, to collab. And with a viral post, I can now offer some degree of visibility too!

Back in LA (not Louisiana)

Oh, boy howdy. My big plans to form a musical comedy duo ran into some snags. Criston, who should have already gotten famous for his music, voice, and looks, was somewhat open to the idea, but then he went on got motorcycle wrecked into getting his jaws wired shut. I asked my other friend Jake, but he could not fathom doing creative work while he spends his days doing manual labor. He dislikes the manual labor, and it is negatively affecting his physical health, but it is so occupying that it is a never ending venture. What stinks is that he is one of the most naturally gifted improvisers, one of the accidentally funniest people I know. And like Criston, he knows music far more in-depth than I do.

I really should write to catch up on things, because a lot did happen. I flew to Dallas, left my mom's Prius in street parking that would go on to become a temporary tow-away zone. This would cost me much stress and money upon my return to LA. While in Dallas, I met the SFX MUA who would be working with me on this short film. After we got a mold of my fingies, I drove to Arkansas. Fun time there, always feels like a vacation. It helps that they sell cannabis products at the border with Missouri half an hour north. I of course was happy to simply chomp one from my friend's neighbor.

Then upon my return to the Dallas area, we did a test shoot with the prosthetics. This is when it starts to feel crazy, because for this test shoot, I wore $500 of prosthetics. Then later, at the actual shoot, I wore that same amount of prosthetics again. We did not get the shots the first night, so I voluntarily stayed in makeup while I slept, then we shot my stuff late the next day just before a thunderstorm stopped us from shooting more. Now they have that footage, but have rewritten the script to avoid requiring me when they reshoot it, since I am typically out of state.

Then I bought a used iPhone 12 mini via fb marketplace for $150. Game changer. I can now film in 4K, and I already have good professional dynamic mics, so suddenly, my usual posts can be in high quality, and I can start considering making short films and content on my own.

Then that SFX MUA agreed to do a life casting of my face, which is something I had wanted for a year. And she also wanted me to act in a short film she was making. So I got a free haircut a life casting, and 4K footage of the latter, along with some creature contortionist moves from both films. And I was able to connect those artists with my buddies in LA who are more experienced/knowledgeable.

So today, back in LA, I sent a clip to a local buddy who is great at improv and, as he put it, "plays basically every musical instrument." He is a chubby, bald, bearded latino guy. I love his sense of humor, and I think we could work great together, but I just have not known him for that long. I have known him for a year, but have only sat down to chat over a meal once. This is in part because I have a crush on his close friend and collaborator. Very distracting.

And I also finally went jogging yesterday. It reprograms my brain. Right now, I feel driven, performative, like I want to make stuff rather than settle in with writing. But this state is also a more distracted one. Something I realized I strongly dislike is the fact that when my work ethic is up, edibles are less effective. The brain-wrecking power of an edible is not as potent against my horrifying level of focus. Still hyperfocused, just not aimed well at the moment.

Prepping to be Primed

It took maybe a month? But I dropped the fat from belly, and now am focused on building muscle back. Sit-ups every day, plus that annoying but necessary cardio.

I had always planned to be dead at 35 years old. Now as I come upon that age (and fresh after seeing Robert Pattinson in achievable fit physique in Mickey 17), I realize that I am hitting prime human. So this is unfortunatley required to be my best year. Be in the best shape, get work, get paid, maybe start a musical comedy act...

Okay sure, I have talked a big game about the musical comedy for a bit now. In my defense, I am getting better at ukulele every day, and I am trying to recruit a friend of mine to do it with me. His music is clever but not comedy, which theoretically makes him a great straight man. That and the fact that a lot of his skill set complements my own means that there is a lot of potential... but he has yet to express interest in such a venture, despite the walls of text I send pitching him on it.

I have gotten some self-tape auditions over the past couple weeks. Maybe it is that, or the endorphins from my workout routine, or the sobriety, but I am feeling pretty happy and hopeful.

The workplace comedy I worked on as a writer, actor, and improviser, it should come out in maybe early summer? And I am told that I will get paid for it, which is obviously neat.

Whatever I do, I need to actually get it done. The time for prep is almost finished, and then I can finally get out there. Ideally while collaborating with friends, but on my own if I have to.

My Weight Loss Journey

I have felt odd about sharing this elsewhere, so I will do it here. Looking back, it appears that roughly when I learned the results of this last presidential election, I had a paradigm shift that led to significant changes in personal habits. Essentially, it became clear that rather than edging toward an uncertain future, we will instead be plunging headlong into an apocalyptic scenario. It is no longer realistic to consider humanity's ongoing survival in its current state, not with the degree of change that the climate is currently undergoing.

So I started drinking too much. I was drinking so much that when I went for a little lunch meeting to prep for a writing gig, I had to excuse myself to the restroom, where I promptly vomited. Just barely keeping it together. So I explored edibles and, critically, stopped exercising regularly.

Now, I have at many times in the past, attempted to stop working out. It eats into my schedule and is frankly annoying, but every time I stop, my work ethic dies out, and this time, combined with the munchies brought on by edibles, I was taking in something like 5x as many calories as usual. So I developed a gut. And I began to settle for that, but when I tried doing my usual stretches, I now had a physical obstacle in the form of my belly. I also played my first slapstick comedy role during this time, and the gut was unattractive for the persona that I have developed.

But then I decided to get back into shape, to go running again. Then the California wildfires hit the very next day, and suddenly, the cardio that I wanted to do could literally kill me, so I drove south and kept exploring edibles, kept eating. And then I experienced the odd sensation of not needing to eat anymore. Eating became a choice for pleasure rather than mere sustenance, because I could feel that my extra fat stores could sustain me, particularly since my writing habits have me living pretty sedentary anyway.

The fires did eventually get put out, and the air cleared, and I finally returned to slowly get my body back into shape. And it was not that hard. The hardest part was and continues to be the cardio. I used to run 2 1/2 miles every time, and now I am hitting a mile on a good day, with lots of breaks thrown in. That being said, I can feel myself improving. Work ethic is up, my abs are coming back, and this timing is critical to some degree because I am doing creature work, modeling, and medical skill demonstrations in a couple weeks' time.

Fascism and Career Locations

It is very annoying that LA is still on fire. I drive back into town to see shows, hang out, and the air is still bad for body. This makes it a little tempting to go to Malaysia to try for an acting role there.

$650 for the flights, $300 for a month of lodging... Then what, food and drink? So a thousand for a month. All I need is some justification for it. But now just so happens to be pilot season, such as there is, so it would probably be dumb to leave LA.

We also have whatever political stuff going on. Do I want to be in the States while it goes full fascism? Will it be much better here than elsewhere?

I want to get spendy with the AMC A-list and Universal annual pass, but the latter is really too dangerous right now. If I have the patience, I can go see a number of films. And it is easier to make oneself have patience in a theater compared to in a car at night while high.

Can we write this show? Just a workplace comedy, not something terribly groundbreaking, but it is the kind of thing that we would watch on repeat.

Attached

Newport Beach again tonight. It is the weekend.

Being a superhero, you are not supposed to fall in love. It only works in the short-term. But they do tend to try it. Maybe you should try it, a thing that requires some degree of vulnerability and recognition that it might not work out, but it feels great in the moment.

But also, I have just been alone and drunk/high for the past month or so, so maybe I just need human contact. Since money is not a worry for the moment, I will likely be attending two improv shows in LA proper over the next few days.

I got the script for that feature today. I am on page 76 out of 101. Crazy that I am already attached to a role like this. A psychiatrist specializing in sleep studies who pushes a guy to murder people in his sleep?

Laguna Beach

Fleeing fire has led me to Laguna Beach, a picturesque little walkable seaside town south of LA. It reminds me of when I traveled Southern France, except that the variety of accents here seems to be greater. Also, the streets are not paved with stone, cobbled, or otherwise, so walking is precipitously easy. What a slippery slope.

In my pursuit to better myself and become that one particular version of me, I am debating whether this evening should include me playing ukulele on the street. Can I just wander around and try to find myself? Will I finally become a street performer?

New year, New Money, New Horizons?

I got $19k in my account and you know what, I also came up with an idea for a tv show while I was high last night on edibles that I was not sure I could afford. So HAHA!

But also, it is pretty funny to see the video reminders I make for myself because my brain is fully wrecked when I am stoned. I feel like I have the same kinds of thoughts, but none of them have staying power, so I go through more of them, and I also have the patience to take in a wider variety of media that would otherwise bore me too quickly.

The edibles are serving as a realistic alternative to alcohol. That being said, I still mostly only have whatever I recorded, as my memory is pretty obliterated by the drugs.

I finally went jogging again yesterday. One or more of my left hip adductor muscles has been screwy, and now I think that the jogging had kept it from tightening up for all these years. I barely did a jog, but it was just enough to reawaken that part of me that wants to get stuff done. So there is a perk.

We were going to record the podcast tonight, but my cohost's laptop died, and there is an event involving the screening of a number of short films, so I am honestly a little relieved, and happy to go to that instead. It will almost be like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing in Hollywood.

Something Always Turns Up

"Boys, I know show business. Something always turns up."

-"Telegram for the Three Amigos"

I paid bills yesterday and today. The bank account holds over a hundred doll hairs, which is due in large part to a one hundred doll hair cash deposit I made today. But then my mom asked me to send her my banking info so she can deposit a check. I can only assume that the check in question is her inheritance being funneled through me for tax reasons, which has always meant that I will have thousands in my bank account. Maybe, what, $18k?

The bright side to the impoverished nature of my situation is that eventually, drugs and booze begin to feel unwieldy as an extra expense. That combined with the timing of the new year means that I turn this poor perspective into a work ethic. Suddenly, it is time to get serious again about writing stuff. Those daily comedy songs? Compile them (and some of my standup) into an act. So I have spent today putting that together just to see what it might look like. Well, also to potentially perform it.

Who knows, maybe I can finally get enough ready to actually go to an open mic again. That would be quite the occasion.

Never Before Opened Year

New year! I was feeling down recently due to poor, but not only did I get good news, but I also, you know, took in less drugs and alcohol, which, while increasing the amount of boredom in my life, also increases my work ethic and efficiency. Oh, and my voice sounds way better.

Got news yesterday that a film being written for me launched its crowdfunding campaign. Written for me to play a twisted psychiatrist of course, not the lead. Great to play the lead, but more fun to play other stuff and give the lead something to react to.

Malaysian studio is no longer looking for a show, preferring instead a feature film. That should be easier to pitch, but we will see.

I think I have just enough edibles left for one last hurrah, so I might give into that temptation tonight, then tomorrow will begin my search for sobriety.

Also, I am writing from a different coffee shop, one that is open later. And I have been at it for much longer. Downside is that it is in West Hollywood, and therefore a little far from a Planet Fitness for me to brush my teeth and shower, but the plus side is that it feels like I have gotten much done. And electronics are almost all fully charged. I have three bigger power banks and one smaller one, and it turns out that they take awhile.

Last night, I recorded hourly videos to document New Years Eve. Plot twists included diarrhea, the British, an insecure police car, and more. Bar crawl was just some drink coupons, and everyone was around my age. I probably could have gotten a smooch, but at the cost of holding conversation at a loud bar, and I decided to follow my instincts instead.