Prepping to be Primed

It took maybe a month? But I dropped the fat from belly, and now am focused on building muscle back. Sit-ups every day, plus that annoying but necessary cardio.

I had always planned to be dead at 35 years old. Now as I come upon that age (and fresh after seeing Robert Pattinson in achievable fit physique in Mickey 17), I realize that I am hitting prime human. So this is unfortunatley required to be my best year. Be in the best shape, get work, get paid, maybe start a musical comedy act...

Okay sure, I have talked a big game about the musical comedy for a bit now. In my defense, I am getting better at ukulele every day, and I am trying to recruit a friend of mine to do it with me. His music is clever but not comedy, which theoretically makes him a great straight man. That and the fact that a lot of his skill set complements my own means that there is a lot of potential... but he has yet to express interest in such a venture, despite the walls of text I send pitching him on it.

I have gotten some self-tape auditions over the past couple weeks. Maybe it is that, or the endorphins from my workout routine, or the sobriety, but I am feeling pretty happy and hopeful.

The workplace comedy I worked on as a writer, actor, and improviser, it should come out in maybe early summer? And I am told that I will get paid for it, which is obviously neat.

Whatever I do, I need to actually get it done. The time for prep is almost finished, and then I can finally get out there. Ideally while collaborating with friends, but on my own if I have to.

My Weight Loss Journey

I have felt odd about sharing this elsewhere, so I will do it here. Looking back, it appears that roughly when I learned the results of this last presidential election, I had a paradigm shift that led to significant changes in personal habits. Essentially, it became clear that rather than edging toward an uncertain future, we will instead be plunging headlong into an apocalyptic scenario. It is no longer realistic to consider humanity's ongoing survival in its current state, not with the degree of change that the climate is currently undergoing.

So I started drinking too much. I was drinking so much that when I went for a little lunch meeting to prep for a writing gig, I had to excuse myself to the restroom, where I promptly vomited. Just barely keeping it together. So I explored edibles and, critically, stopped exercising regularly.

Now, I have at many times in the past, attempted to stop working out. It eats into my schedule and is frankly annoying, but every time I stop, my work ethic dies out, and this time, combined with the munchies brought on by edibles, I was taking in something like 5x as many calories as usual. So I developed a gut. And I began to settle for that, but when I tried doing my usual stretches, I now had a physical obstacle in the form of my belly. I also played my first slapstick comedy role during this time, and the gut was unattractive for the persona that I have developed.

But then I decided to get back into shape, to go running again. Then the California wildfires hit the very next day, and suddenly, the cardio that I wanted to do could literally kill me, so I drove south and kept exploring edibles, kept eating. And then I experienced the odd sensation of not needing to eat anymore. Eating became a choice for pleasure rather than mere sustenance, because I could feel that my extra fat stores could sustain me, particularly since my writing habits have me living pretty sedentary anyway.

The fires did eventually get put out, and the air cleared, and I finally returned to slowly get my body back into shape. And it was not that hard. The hardest part was and continues to be the cardio. I used to run 2 1/2 miles every time, and now I am hitting a mile on a good day, with lots of breaks thrown in. That being said, I can feel myself improving. Work ethic is up, my abs are coming back, and this timing is critical to some degree because I am doing creature work, modeling, and medical skill demonstrations in a couple weeks' time.

Fascism and Career Locations

It is very annoying that LA is still on fire. I drive back into town to see shows, hang out, and the air is still bad for body. This makes it a little tempting to go to Malaysia to try for an acting role there.

$650 for the flights, $300 for a month of lodging... Then what, food and drink? So a thousand for a month. All I need is some justification for it. But now just so happens to be pilot season, such as there is, so it would probably be dumb to leave LA.

We also have whatever political stuff going on. Do I want to be in the States while it goes full fascism? Will it be much better here than elsewhere?

I want to get spendy with the AMC A-list and Universal annual pass, but the latter is really too dangerous right now. If I have the patience, I can go see a number of films. And it is easier to make oneself have patience in a theater compared to in a car at night while high.

Can we write this show? Just a workplace comedy, not something terribly groundbreaking, but it is the kind of thing that we would watch on repeat.

Attached

Newport Beach again tonight. It is the weekend.

Being a superhero, you are not supposed to fall in love. It only works in the short-term. But they do tend to try it. Maybe you should try it, a thing that requires some degree of vulnerability and recognition that it might not work out, but it feels great in the moment.

But also, I have just been alone and drunk/high for the past month or so, so maybe I just need human contact. Since money is not a worry for the moment, I will likely be attending two improv shows in LA proper over the next few days.

I got the script for that feature today. I am on page 76 out of 101. Crazy that I am already attached to a role like this. A psychiatrist specializing in sleep studies who pushes a guy to murder people in his sleep?

Laguna Beach

Fleeing fire has led me to Laguna Beach, a picturesque little walkable seaside town south of LA. It reminds me of when I traveled Southern France, except that the variety of accents here seems to be greater. Also, the streets are not paved with stone, cobbled, or otherwise, so walking is precipitously easy. What a slippery slope.

In my pursuit to better myself and become that one particular version of me, I am debating whether this evening should include me playing ukulele on the street. Can I just wander around and try to find myself? Will I finally become a street performer?

New year, New Money, New Horizons?

I got $19k in my account and you know what, I also came up with an idea for a tv show while I was high last night on edibles that I was not sure I could afford. So HAHA!

But also, it is pretty funny to see the video reminders I make for myself because my brain is fully wrecked when I am stoned. I feel like I have the same kinds of thoughts, but none of them have staying power, so I go through more of them, and I also have the patience to take in a wider variety of media that would otherwise bore me too quickly.

The edibles are serving as a realistic alternative to alcohol. That being said, I still mostly only have whatever I recorded, as my memory is pretty obliterated by the drugs.

I finally went jogging again yesterday. One or more of my left hip adductor muscles has been screwy, and now I think that the jogging had kept it from tightening up for all these years. I barely did a jog, but it was just enough to reawaken that part of me that wants to get stuff done. So there is a perk.

We were going to record the podcast tonight, but my cohost's laptop died, and there is an event involving the screening of a number of short films, so I am honestly a little relieved, and happy to go to that instead. It will almost be like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing in Hollywood.

Something Always Turns Up

"Boys, I know show business. Something always turns up."

-"Telegram for the Three Amigos"

I paid bills yesterday and today. The bank account holds over a hundred doll hairs, which is due in large part to a one hundred doll hair cash deposit I made today. But then my mom asked me to send her my banking info so she can deposit a check. I can only assume that the check in question is her inheritance being funneled through me for tax reasons, which has always meant that I will have thousands in my bank account. Maybe, what, $18k?

The bright side to the impoverished nature of my situation is that eventually, drugs and booze begin to feel unwieldy as an extra expense. That combined with the timing of the new year means that I turn this poor perspective into a work ethic. Suddenly, it is time to get serious again about writing stuff. Those daily comedy songs? Compile them (and some of my standup) into an act. So I have spent today putting that together just to see what it might look like. Well, also to potentially perform it.

Who knows, maybe I can finally get enough ready to actually go to an open mic again. That would be quite the occasion.

Never Before Opened Year

New year! I was feeling down recently due to poor, but not only did I get good news, but I also, you know, took in less drugs and alcohol, which, while increasing the amount of boredom in my life, also increases my work ethic and efficiency. Oh, and my voice sounds way better.

Got news yesterday that a film being written for me launched its crowdfunding campaign. Written for me to play a twisted psychiatrist of course, not the lead. Great to play the lead, but more fun to play other stuff and give the lead something to react to.

Malaysian studio is no longer looking for a show, preferring instead a feature film. That should be easier to pitch, but we will see.

I think I have just enough edibles left for one last hurrah, so I might give into that temptation tonight, then tomorrow will begin my search for sobriety.

Also, I am writing from a different coffee shop, one that is open later. And I have been at it for much longer. Downside is that it is in West Hollywood, and therefore a little far from a Planet Fitness for me to brush my teeth and shower, but the plus side is that it feels like I have gotten much done. And electronics are almost all fully charged. I have three bigger power banks and one smaller one, and it turns out that they take awhile.

Last night, I recorded hourly videos to document New Years Eve. Plot twists included diarrhea, the British, an insecure police car, and more. Bar crawl was just some drink coupons, and everyone was around my age. I probably could have gotten a smooch, but at the cost of holding conversation at a loud bar, and I decided to follow my instincts instead.