Too Poor for Drugs

I am so poor that I rawdogged sleep last night. Just worked on a comedy song and then passed out. Nothing putting my brain in an otherworldly state, nothing else in my system apart from some endorphins from a workout. And of course I played Civ VI for hours because for some reason that comes with the netflix app now? It is a step up from Civ IV (which I also have on my phone), so that is nice.

But also how do I make money? That line producer texted me back with like "Yeah, I'll let you know if something comes up" and now I sit.

Edibles had me feeling like I had to consume a lot of calories, and not taking edibles has me feeling like my body wants to drop the excess baggage. I would eat to a point of physical discomfort, then lie down, and maybe that is a bad habit. Not as bad as a the alcohol though.

I still need to come up with a vehicle for that Malaysian show. For all the difficulty of the leadership involved in that workplace comedy, I really did get to shine. And the way we played that was by me just being an extra cast member acting silly and dumb. So how do we put me as that into a Malaysian world? An outdoor cooking show, since street food is such a trend in Malaysia? Maybe I am someone's in-law, or I am visiting due to legal troubles in the US? The fact that I do not cook could come into play? I am competent in so many areas, but I have a poor sense of smell, and I eat out. Living in a car for a year has been easy because of this.

Welp

With the no money thing, I do find myself drawn back to what is one of the most cost-effective poor person pursuits, writing. Got a laptop and all I have to do is type upon it. I mean, I also need ideas, and willpower, and I am also tempted to take an adderall, except that those are in limited supply, and I do not know if I have enough to work on in a focused manner today.

So instead, I am just waiting for electronics to charge in a too-loud coffee shop. No, do not worry, I did not buy a coffee. They get plenty business, have gotten plenty of mine, and, critically, I am poor.

I texted a line producer friend to ask for work. Who knows.

Holidays

Well, I am poor again.

I am gonna have to go full thrift mode soon.

Apart from during my last surgical rotation, this is the only time that I have spent the holidays away from home. Both my mom and my brother visited separately for different reasons, so I got to see them.

But I would have done the same thing at home as I am doing here, except with less freedom and with enduring my brothers' transphobic rants.

I have irons in a few fires. Two feature films being written that would land me in significant roles, maybe a show in Malaysia, a workplace comedy pitch that would shoot locally, though I am wary about those involved. Plus my daily little music thing.

But still, unless the industry picks up in the new year, it is gonna start feeling stupid. Granted, I have been here in LA for almost a full year of the worst time in history to do so. This year, I got my first bit of good footage for reels, I am actual friends with some comedy buddies who had previously just been collaborators from across the country, I got my first writing credit on imdb, and I tried weed gummies for the first time.

Where does it leave me? I am still idly working on that comedy special, though now it involves musical aspects, which I largely have yet to learn and write. Maybe I can stand to do more live performances at open mics if I do it with the ukulele?

I am trying to write a few scripts, but eh... I was so good with my role in the workplace comedy. No prep, no rehearsal, just improvising in character. That was very fun and easy. Imagine getting paid to do it!

But whatever, I am too multitalented to know how to aim myself. Hopefully my manager finds something. Or any of the things I do turn into money-making things. I have some decent merch ideas! What is the first step with that? How do I turn brain and doing things into money? Even if I perform live, merch is the way to survive... But even better if I can just work on a film set...

A Wee Update

Spent the last two weeks shooting a workplace comedy set in a morgue. I helped write, and although there is some conflict there, my work ethic, combined with my improv and slapstick skills, completely won everyone over. When you sit down for an improvised interview and have people crying from their struggle to avoid laughing, you have maybe done okay. The downside is of course that this group making the workplace comedy was primarily made up of actors who are not necessarily comedians, so I struggled to take in the compliments. And probably rightly so. But then again, simple is often better, so it is tough to be sure. There were lots of charity laughs, laughs that felt expected or owed, so hopefully what I contributed was something different.

Tubi reportedly offered them $150k to make that show, so this was an attempt to get something shot to shop around for a higher price. But they are decently connected (creator's boyfriend is a prolific voice actor), so we will see!

Leaning into that improv and slapstick, and avoiding confrontation by hiding in my head, all of it helped me feel more like my old self.

I started taking edibles. The drinking had become problematic, and still is, but edibles give a somewhat similar sensation at lower cost, so I have been chomping those most nights. Big downside is the short-term memory loss. If I want to remember something, the best way is to record myself.

This is the first week in the 5 1/2 years that we have done the podcast that we did not record a new episode, opting instead to release a Patreon one. Why? We was busy.

I have continued improvising daily little songs, and can always work on those if I feel like expanding my repertoire. Some of the songs are starting to get over a thousand views on Instagram. As annoying as it is, instagram remains possibly the best platform on which to go viral. Friends and friends of siblings have been reaching out to say how much they like my songs, how they watch every one that I post.

So maybe soon, I will be known for it, and maybe when that happens, I will have some songs actually written so I can maybe make a profit? Like, via live shows or, ideally, with the recorded versions, but that is a difficult space in which to get discovered. Acting is hard to break into, but unlike acting, far more people I have known in my life thought they could make it as musicians.