Laguna Beach

Fleeing fire has led me to Laguna Beach, a picturesque little walkable seaside town south of LA. It reminds me of when I traveled Southern France, except that the variety of accents here seems to be greater. Also, the streets are not paved with stone, cobbled, or otherwise, so walking is precipitously easy. What a slippery slope.

In my pursuit to better myself and become that one particular version of me, I am debating whether this evening should include me playing ukulele on the street. Can I just wander around and try to find myself? Will I finally become a street performer?

New year, New Money, New Horizons?

I got $19k in my account and you know what, I also came up with an idea for a tv show while I was high last night on edibles that I was not sure I could afford. So HAHA!

But also, it is pretty funny to see the video reminders I make for myself because my brain is fully wrecked when I am stoned. I feel like I have the same kinds of thoughts, but none of them have staying power, so I go through more of them, and I also have the patience to take in a wider variety of media that would otherwise bore me too quickly.

The edibles are serving as a realistic alternative to alcohol. That being said, I still mostly only have whatever I recorded, as my memory is pretty obliterated by the drugs.

I finally went jogging again yesterday. One or more of my left hip adductor muscles has been screwy, and now I think that the jogging had kept it from tightening up for all these years. I barely did a jog, but it was just enough to reawaken that part of me that wants to get stuff done. So there is a perk.

We were going to record the podcast tonight, but my cohost's laptop died, and there is an event involving the screening of a number of short films, so I am honestly a little relieved, and happy to go to that instead. It will almost be like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing in Hollywood.

Something Always Turns Up

"Boys, I know show business. Something always turns up."

-"Telegram for the Three Amigos"

I paid bills yesterday and today. The bank account holds over a hundred doll hairs, which is due in large part to a one hundred doll hair cash deposit I made today. But then my mom asked me to send her my banking info so she can deposit a check. I can only assume that the check in question is her inheritance being funneled through me for tax reasons, which has always meant that I will have thousands in my bank account. Maybe, what, $18k?

The bright side to the impoverished nature of my situation is that eventually, drugs and booze begin to feel unwieldy as an extra expense. That combined with the timing of the new year means that I turn this poor perspective into a work ethic. Suddenly, it is time to get serious again about writing stuff. Those daily comedy songs? Compile them (and some of my standup) into an act. So I have spent today putting that together just to see what it might look like. Well, also to potentially perform it.

Who knows, maybe I can finally get enough ready to actually go to an open mic again. That would be quite the occasion.

Never Before Opened Year

New year! I was feeling down recently due to poor, but not only did I get good news, but I also, you know, took in less drugs and alcohol, which, while increasing the amount of boredom in my life, also increases my work ethic and efficiency. Oh, and my voice sounds way better.

Got news yesterday that a film being written for me launched its crowdfunding campaign. Written for me to play a twisted psychiatrist of course, not the lead. Great to play the lead, but more fun to play other stuff and give the lead something to react to.

Malaysian studio is no longer looking for a show, preferring instead a feature film. That should be easier to pitch, but we will see.

I think I have just enough edibles left for one last hurrah, so I might give into that temptation tonight, then tomorrow will begin my search for sobriety.

Also, I am writing from a different coffee shop, one that is open later. And I have been at it for much longer. Downside is that it is in West Hollywood, and therefore a little far from a Planet Fitness for me to brush my teeth and shower, but the plus side is that it feels like I have gotten much done. And electronics are almost all fully charged. I have three bigger power banks and one smaller one, and it turns out that they take awhile.

Last night, I recorded hourly videos to document New Years Eve. Plot twists included diarrhea, the British, an insecure police car, and more. Bar crawl was just some drink coupons, and everyone was around my age. I probably could have gotten a smooch, but at the cost of holding conversation at a loud bar, and I decided to follow my instincts instead.

Too Poor for Drugs

I am so poor that I rawdogged sleep last night. Just worked on a comedy song and then passed out. Nothing putting my brain in an otherworldly state, nothing else in my system apart from some endorphins from a workout. And of course I played Civ VI for hours because for some reason that comes with the netflix app now? It is a step up from Civ IV (which I also have on my phone), so that is nice.

But also how do I make money? That line producer texted me back with like "Yeah, I'll let you know if something comes up" and now I sit.

Edibles had me feeling like I had to consume a lot of calories, and not taking edibles has me feeling like my body wants to drop the excess baggage. I would eat to a point of physical discomfort, then lie down, and maybe that is a bad habit. Not as bad as a the alcohol though.

I still need to come up with a vehicle for that Malaysian show. For all the difficulty of the leadership involved in that workplace comedy, I really did get to shine. And the way we played that was by me just being an extra cast member acting silly and dumb. So how do we put me as that into a Malaysian world? An outdoor cooking show, since street food is such a trend in Malaysia? Maybe I am someone's in-law, or I am visiting due to legal troubles in the US? The fact that I do not cook could come into play? I am competent in so many areas, but I have a poor sense of smell, and I eat out. Living in a car for a year has been easy because of this.

Welp

With the no money thing, I do find myself drawn back to what is one of the most cost-effective poor person pursuits, writing. Got a laptop and all I have to do is type upon it. I mean, I also need ideas, and willpower, and I am also tempted to take an adderall, except that those are in limited supply, and I do not know if I have enough to work on in a focused manner today.

So instead, I am just waiting for electronics to charge in a too-loud coffee shop. No, do not worry, I did not buy a coffee. They get plenty business, have gotten plenty of mine, and, critically, I am poor.

I texted a line producer friend to ask for work. Who knows.

Holidays

Well, I am poor again.

I am gonna have to go full thrift mode soon.

Apart from during my last surgical rotation, this is the only time that I have spent the holidays away from home. Both my mom and my brother visited separately for different reasons, so I got to see them.

But I would have done the same thing at home as I am doing here, except with less freedom and with enduring my brothers' transphobic rants.

I have irons in a few fires. Two feature films being written that would land me in significant roles, maybe a show in Malaysia, a workplace comedy pitch that would shoot locally, though I am wary about those involved. Plus my daily little music thing.

But still, unless the industry picks up in the new year, it is gonna start feeling stupid. Granted, I have been here in LA for almost a full year of the worst time in history to do so. This year, I got my first bit of good footage for reels, I am actual friends with some comedy buddies who had previously just been collaborators from across the country, I got my first writing credit on imdb, and I tried weed gummies for the first time.

Where does it leave me? I am still idly working on that comedy special, though now it involves musical aspects, which I largely have yet to learn and write. Maybe I can stand to do more live performances at open mics if I do it with the ukulele?

I am trying to write a few scripts, but eh... I was so good with my role in the workplace comedy. No prep, no rehearsal, just improvising in character. That was very fun and easy. Imagine getting paid to do it!

But whatever, I am too multitalented to know how to aim myself. Hopefully my manager finds something. Or any of the things I do turn into money-making things. I have some decent merch ideas! What is the first step with that? How do I turn brain and doing things into money? Even if I perform live, merch is the way to survive... But even better if I can just work on a film set...